The Liquid Muse

The Ass–Licker

I don’t think that Tony Blair is an inherently bad person. I kinda feel sorry for the guy. Being referred to as George Bush’s poodle can’t be easy. Not to mention, he is nothing like a poodle, really. Every poodle I’ve ever met has an identity of his own. They are happy-go-lucky animals with some sense of autonomy. Blair looks anything but happy these days, and Lord knows he melded himself into one entity with George Bush years ago.

Now, I am not someone who can claim to know a whole hell of a lot about politics or foreign affairs (which is probably the only thing I have in common with our president). However, I have opinions. And, thankfully, the freedom to express them is one of the founding principles of the country in which I was born. (Just in case you were wondering, I am referring to the United States. At least, it was that way before the whole “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” policy became our new-and-improved Crawford Constitution…)

But, I digress. Let’s get back to Blair, the poor chap. Thinking back to five years ago, when President Bush delivered a speech just after 9/11, he said something to the effect of “The United States has no truer friend than Great Britain.” I seem to recall the camera shot of Tony Blair, all warm and fuzzy, lit a-glow from the inside. I think that must have been the moment he decided to become George Bush’s ass-licker.

Not only did Blair join Bush in defying the United Nations and invading Iraq, he earnestly stood behind an inarticulate, beady-eyed American President whom the rest of his European neighbors mistrusted. While the world-at-large (we’re talking pretty much every continent) staged protests, marches, signed petitions and screamed “NO!” at the top of our lungs, Blair remained loyal to his bumbling friend from Texas. And, like his Yankee pal, he loaded up his own farm kids, inner-city youth, and the noble young men and women who want to serve their nation, and sent them off to the Middle East.

I can’t help but wonder what happened to poor Tony in childhood to make him feel the need to align himself with “he who shoves the hardest” rather than reason through his choice of friends. In my mind’s eye, I see Tony as a clever but lonely little boy who is picked on by bullies and dreams of being a popular kid. When the lesson he really needed to learn was “just be true to yourself and people will like you for who you are.”

I can’t help but think that without Bush’s influence, Blair would not be the kind of arrogant and boorish fellow who would march into a country, wielding the WMD flag, and proceed to decimate its land and people. He really does seem far too “civilized” and well bred for that sort of behavior.

The one thing for which I must commend Tony Blair is that he, at least, has the integrity to announce that he will resign within a year. If only W would have that much consideration for our great nation…

So, in honor of our buddy, Tony Blair, let’s raise a glass!

The Ass-Licker

1 oz. berry-flavored vodka
1 oz. chocolate liqueur
splash cream

Shake all ingredients with ice. Serve in a chilled glass. Garnish with a Marachino cherry and a mini Union Jack.